A criminal defense trial lawyer is always searching for trial tactics in order to better defend his client within the rules of criminal procedure. Since Trump hires only the best lawyers to defend the plethora of criminal and civil charges he faces daily, I have decided to borrow some of these novel tactics.
Henceforth, whenever a future client is subpoenaed to appear before a grand jury or trial proceeding, I may tell him not to appear as ordered. When the presiding judge demands to know why my client did not comply with a lawful subpoena, I will tell the Court that the entire process is “unfair” and “extremely biased.” I will claim my client was not afforded “due process” because he was not allowed in the Grand Jury room. I will demand to know if the prosecutor is Republican and has an inherent bias against my Democratic client. I will call the government’s investigation a witch hunt and a total hoax.
I will ask the Republican Federal judge to recuse himself because of potential political bias. I will ask Attorney General Barr to immediately investigate the F.B.I. agents who presented the case to the Grand Jury to discover if any of them were biased against Democrats or Obama followers. I will ask for Mr. Barr to investigate the origins of my client’s investigation. I will ask Senator Cruz and Cornyn to declare my client innocent of all charges although they have not read one page of the investigation. I will ask for the U.S. Attorney to identify all confidential informants without the Court’s permission.
My client has the right to impugn the integrity of all witnesses because they are saying bad and untrue things about my client. Finally, after I have exhausted all Republican Congressional and Presidential tactics, if my client is found guilty in absentia, I will immediately appeal to a friendly Court of Appeals, hoping they are Obama appointees. If the conviction is upheld, I will ask President Trump for an immediate pardon, foregoing the normal seven-year waiting period for most pardons, because my client was “treated very unfairly.”
My tongue in cheek opinion is obviously a satirical view by a concerned lawyer, who remains horrified at the daily shredding of our beloved Constitution, by an administration run amuck.
